All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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