Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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