So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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