Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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