U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
