do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
