Don't you send me to vm
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
