He kissed a someone with a penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
