ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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