***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
BRING THE BAGELS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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