So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
