I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
