you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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