Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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