i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
