2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
