On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
