I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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