I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
