This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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