I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
