Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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