Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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