i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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