You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
