I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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