Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
