he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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