TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
