Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
