I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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