Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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