First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
