The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
