you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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