In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
