hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
