i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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