btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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