You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
