just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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