Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
two words: eviction party
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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