i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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