I'd wear matching sweaters with you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk is a universal language darling
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
