Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
