dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
