Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
