hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
