It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
