apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
