Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
