My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
