if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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