ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
