The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
