i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
