it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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