Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
